I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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