Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize