Say something about gay babies.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
