Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Randomize
