i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
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