So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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