Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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