If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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