She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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