Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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