her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
