I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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