Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
