Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Found your dick twin last night
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize