Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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