Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
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