Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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