Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Randomize
