Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
