Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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