sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
