Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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