Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
