Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
