Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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