She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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