I molested 6 butterflies tonight
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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