It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
