I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
