No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
