How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
