I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
