funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
