Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
