Where is the hickey?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
