I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
