my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
