Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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