Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
