While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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