your parents love me but you hate me
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
