Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
