i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
