god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I have fence marks all over my body
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
