the day after is always just damage control
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
