They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
