well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
