Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
