12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
