Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Randomize
