Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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