thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
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