"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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