dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Randomize
