Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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