yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
