I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
