that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
