I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
