____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Dear god my vagina.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
