don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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