i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize