i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
