Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
