Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
