Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
