My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
