Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
