So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
