so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
