"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize