im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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