Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
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