2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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