I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
