What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
